New Year's Even

New Year's Eve was a foxhunting day. We hunted up in Marriottsville, Maryland, and then went to the Olney Tavern afterwards to drink in the new year. We arrive around 6 p.m.

About 11:30 pm Robbie says, "I'm going to go get the piece of shit, and I'll meet you at the farm." The "piece of shit" was his four-wheeling jeep, complete with a winch on the front. It was drizzling slightly by this point.

So I drive to the farm, begin putting on various layers of clothes and duck taping my boots together. Robbie shows up with the piece of shit. It is now raining.

We head off into the back woods. I am equipped with a flashlight and a bottle of Bushmills. Piece of shit keeps dying on way down. Robbie keeps restarting it. We drive gaily into the river over a vertical cliff, practically, with intention of driving down the river and out the other end and back up to the barn. River is maybe 2 feet deep at this point. Piece of shit dies in the river. Robbie can't get it started. I drink my Bushmills and wave the flashlight around. Robbie is out in the river waist deep in water with the hood up. I drink some more Bushmills. Robbie starts getting on the phone calling his fellow Mur-land rednecks. "I'm stuck in the river with Kimberly! Come get me out! There are fishies swimming by!" I snootily declare that my name isn't Kimberly. Robbie tells me I'm not helping. Half an hour or so later Robbie announces we have to swim for it. Water is rising. I sit in disbelief.

Nuh uhn, you mean, get in the river?
Uh-huh.
And get wet?
Yes, let's go.
There must be a better way. Can you fix it Robbie?
Nope.
[silence]
Okay!

So he starts heading for the riverbank and falls down and is completely underwater. I, the city slicker, get out of the piece of shit and walk daintily to the riverbank, no falling, no swimming. Hah!

We get back to barn after a long slog in the mud and rain and hit the wash stall where we hose ourselves down like horses. Then we crash for the night at the barn managers house, on the property. At this point it's like 1:30 in the morning. Pouring with rain.

Next morning go down to river to find it has risen like 4 feet and the piece of shit is almost fully underwater. Had to get another jeep to get it out. I have since ordered a "no parking sign" to put in the river.

That is the story of New Year's Eve.