Lessons Learned While Fox Hunting

Someone asked me today how my friend "the stable boy" was doing -- referring to a new acquaintance many of you will recognize as the person I got stuck in a rapidly rising river with on New Years' Eve during a little late night Howard County four-wheeling mishap (we were in a jeep). I guffawed at the reference to him as a stable boy. He's not a stable boy! He's a....foxsteepler (foxhunting steeple chasing somewhat wayward youth). But it made me laugh and consider all the very unusual things I have learned or experienced so far in my short foxhunting career that I would never have expected to learn from this allegedly snooty sport. As follows:

• I have learned that one of the warmest places to be on a cold winter's morning is the inside of the compost pile. I learned this because the man driving the mushroom composing truck (which is like something out of Battlestar Galactica -- large fog lights and loud belching noises) fell off his perch into the compost pile one morning before dawn while we were getting the horses ready, and the fox steepler told me that he probably wasn't all that upset about it because at least now he was warm.
• I have learned that there is a vigorous debate ongoing among Howard County residents about whether it is better to leave the salt bags open or closed on the back of your personal snowplow.
• I have learned what it feels like to have a man in a camouflage baseball cap emerge out of the pre-dawn snowy darkness and say, "Ma'am, I have your manure receipt." (I said "thank you very much" in my most polite manner and put it in my pocket.)
• I have learned that the only way to get a jeep out of a river is with another jeep and a winch and a bunch of guys.
• I have learned that you can't just sign up to go ride a bull in a rodeo. As it was put to me, "Are you kidding? You gotta KNOW someone to be able to do that!"
• I have learned about a sport where grownups strap a five year old child onto the back of a sheep. The sheep waddles off, the child slowly falls off the sheep, and the grownups roar with laughter. People pay money to watch this. It's called Mutton something or other.
• I have learned that West Virginia blackberry moonshine and beef jerky make a perfectly adequate breakfast.
• I have learned that foxhunting horses do not care for cardamom spice cookies.
• I have learned that a Dooley is a kind of truck. I now know what people are talking about when they say that my whatever-I've-lost is in the Dooley (and I've found many of my missing things in there). I also now know that when the foxsteepler says he's bringing his Duramax he means his Ford truck, not his flashlight batteries or something.
• I now know what it feels like to be hosed down with warm water in the wash stall like a horse (see above entry re jeep in river).
• I have learned that a skid loader (whatever that is) is a sufficiently desirable thing that people will drive all the way to Hagerstown, West Virginia, to get a good deal on one.
• I now know what it feels like to be a horse riding in the back of a horse trailer. Very like the NYC subway.
• I have learned that it is not uncommon for country people to give each other boxes of mushrooms for Christmas presents. These are known as "Christmas mushrooms." They make people happy.
• I have learned the expression, "Does it Gator?" Which means -- does this horse allow itself to be lead by a person who is driving the John Deere tractor thing, aka, the Gator? A horse that Gators is desirable. A horse that does not Gator is a pain.
• I have learned that the hunt club gives landowners a turkey on Thanksgiving. Unless the landowner is a club member, in which case they are expected to buy their own turkey.
• I know that when people in Howard County see each other after a long absence, they say things like, "I tell you what! I haven't seen you since Hector was a pup! Dang!"

That's it for now. I'm sure others will come along.